Outward Mindset

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

people, feel, person, thinking, mindset, gifts, objectives, ambulance, napoleon hill, languages, inwardly, book, obstacle, outward, appreciating, eat, week, goal, present, joined

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It requires no more effort in life to aim high to demand abundance and prosperity than it does to accept misery and poverty. And that is one of my favorite quotes from Napoleon Hill in terms of growth and goals, but this also can be applied to building relationships. And without relationships, you are not stepping into your fullest potential. So stick around for today's episode where we talk about the idea of having an outward mindset and the positive impact that can have on you and those around you.

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The following was recorded in front of a live studio audience at the studio 21 podcast cafe. This is the United Podcast Network.

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Welcome to rat race reboot. I'm your host, Laura Noel. And as a certified coach and former 27 year military leader, each week, I provide bite sized mindset pivots that will help you reset your mind reawaken your spirit and regain your control. Hello, everyone, and welcome. I am really excited about this episode. I recently was attending a class developing an outward mindset from the Arvinder Institute. And I've been doing and studying the mind for many years and working with clients. And I had plenty of aha, because there's so much to talk about. But we're only 20 minutes in length here with these podcasts. So I'm going to just focus on one little AHA that I had in the hopes that maybe you'll hear yourself in the stories that I share with you. And you'll join me in just wanting to be better wanting to connect with people on a deeper level. So during this class, I'll just kind of give you in a nutshell, what we talked about. And again, it's so much more deep than what I'm telling you right now. But they talk a lot about two different mindsets. Having an inward mindset, having an outward mindset and an inward mindset really revolves around being inward and thinking about myself, my goals, my wishes, my dreams are the only things that matter to me. And an outward mindset revolves around the idea that my goals, my dreams, my vision matter to me. And those, you know, objectives, challenges and needs of others also equally matter to me. So inward, I'm focusing 100%, on me, I'm the only one that matters, I'm the star of the show. And outward is we all matter. So one of the ideas that was presented was this idea of how you know, when we go inward, when we're only focused on ourselves, and we're looking at other people. As objects, we're objectifying them, we might see them as an obstacle. So we're not even seeing them as a human as a person, we're seeing that individual as an obstacle, oh, I got to get around this person to I can meet my objective and meet my goal there in the way they're slowing things down. I'm trying to do my work. And I need this one piece to advance my goal. And this person's dragging their feet. So we're not even looking at them as a person, we're looking at them as an obstacle. Then, in addition to that, we have obstacles, we have vehicles. So maybe we see somebody as not really a person, we don't really care about their needs, their challenges and objectives. But we know they can help us advance our vision or a goal. And so we kind of leverage and use them as a vehicle without really connecting with them. And then then there are other people we might objectify and look at as just being irrelevant, that we're just not even going to bother with them. Okay, so that's when we're inward. And so it can be kind of blatantly obvious when we're inward and we're not really looking at people as people. But then there are times where it might not be so obvious and common manifestation of being inward is what Harbinger calls, I'm doing my air quotes, inwardly nice, where we are saying, I'm doing all of these good things for people. But we're, we're doing all these things were maybe we're being the martyr.

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Or we're, we're doing all of these things and imposing all these niceties on other people, but we're not really taking them into consideration. We're doing these things because it makes us feel good. It makes us feel like we're doing something and I'll give you an example. Because this was the AHA when I was in this class, a person who was facilitating brought up that book by its Ah, what's what's his name? It's The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman. Okay. Awesome book. I've read it before. And if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it because it just will help you get a deeper understanding of how people connect and receive love, give love, right, and it's just really telling. But this facilitator was talking about his experience with the five love languages and his experience with with being outwardly nice, but I'm not going to share his experience, I'm going to share mine, because him mentioning that book reminded me of when I was inward when I was experiencing an inward mindset focusing on myself. It was in the context of my relationship with my husband. So the five love languages, I hope I don't butcher this but there's touch words, you know, words of kindness, acts of kindness and doing time and gifts. And Chrissy the producer, she's, I can see out of the corner of my eye, she's like, yes, yes, that's right. So I, my love language is time. But I guess the beautiful thing with time is, in any context, if you spend the time Oh, I was on vacation, and I saw this thing. And I thought of you, you took the time to do that. So I'm appreciating the gift. But I'm more or less appreciating the time or if you found a card for me. And you really like when I go and look for a card for somebody. I am reading like tons of cards. I don't I don't just go oh, this I'll do. I'm taking the time, because that's one of my love languages. Yeah, and so I would, and I won't gifts, I also like gifts too. But I would try to impose those love languages on my husband. So I would give him gifts. Or I would give him words of encouragement, or I would spend time with him. And he, you know, especially with the gifts, he hates gifts, I was giving him gifts, because I didn't know what else to do. And I'm thinking, What do you want from me, I don't know what to get you you don't appreciate anything. And then I was feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in self pity. Really all I could have done and what would have rectified that situation is if I simply asked him. And not just that if I asked him, How does he want to be loved? What does he want? Gary, what I learned is more that acts of service. So if I'm doing something around the house, or helping them out, or cooking a nice meal, those or that are going for a walk with him or playing ball with the dogs with him. That's kind of an act of service. And that's that is what fills his cup going to visit family and Rhode Island doing those kinds of things. That's what's meaningful to him. And you know, the struggle is real. I'm aware of this now. But I was inwardly inwardly Nice. So maybe you can hear yourself in this. So I would think, Oh, it's his birthday, or oh, he reached this milestone, I'm going to have a party for him or I'm going to get this fabulous gift. And then he would get the gift and he would, you know, sometimes return it or oh, you know, I don't I don't need this. I don't need more things. It would stress him out. So the very thing that I was trying to do to brighten his day was actually stressing him out. I wasn't listening. So that's what I mean, I was inward. My objectives of giving him a nice gift and being the one to make him happy. Which by the way, nobody can make you feel anything. I can't make him happy. He can make himself happy. I can make myself happy. But you can't change somebody's feelings about themselves that comes from within. That's an inside job. So it really kind of was about me.

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And then I was thinking back to when I joined the military and I was leaving for maps and going to basic training. My mom had taken me out my boyfriend my mom or mom, my mom's husband. We all went out to eat that night and my mom was very much trying to get me to eat the chicken teriyaki. I'll never forget it. She kept saying I was looking at the menu thinking what am I what do I want like it was my last supper right? I was only going to be in basic training for six weeks. But I was looking at this as my last supper. What do I want to eat before I eat chow hall food and my mom kept saying there's chicken teriyaki on the menu get try the chicken teriyaki Laura. It was like I would have made her happy by ordering and eating the chicken teriyaki Not because it was something that I wanted, but because she had in her mind what she wanted for me, she wasn't taking into account, my needs my challenges and objectives. Yes, of course, my mom loves me. And she was probably stressed out that her baby was leaving, maybe not even thinking it through. But on the receiving end of that, I kind of felt unheard. I didn't feel seen. I was like, Oh, my God, I'm leaving cannot Can I just do what I want to be told what to do for six weeks how to dress, how to act, how to speak, when to speak, to how to stand at attention, when to run, when to lift that thing? Can I Can I please just get a burger? That's what I want. So being on the receiving end of somebody's energy, when they're being inward when they're being inwardly Nice. doesn't feel very good.

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You know, another thing is, we see this in organizations all the time. I mean, think about your organization, your place of work, how many projects or initiatives have been started to help other people? And how many times in your organization have sometimes the top leaders or the people organizing that thing or that change? How many times have they not included the people that it was going to impact the most the people they were most trying to help? Whether it's the employees or the client, or the customer, right? So we're doing these things, because we feel that it would be helpful to the person because it makes us feel good. But in all actuality, we don't really know if it's going to help that person. So how can we start to shift this? You know, because when we stop to ask the question, when people feel seen, that in and of itself, can build a relationship, and it can build trust, and you'll be able to accomplish much more together, I was just thinking about, even in organizations with recognition programs, I can recall going through the Air Force. And you know, we had our recognition programs, our quarterly awards, different levels of awards, our annual awards, time off it, you name it, just recognition in front of people. But we might recognize somebody for an outstanding job, but in the way that we recognize somebody might feel like punishment to them, it doesn't feel very good. So doesn't it make sense? If truly our desire is to help people be seen and valued? Doesn't it make sense that we kind of see them first and at least ask the question, and then listen. So how do we start to do that? Well, one is to become aware, first and foremost, that we all go inward at times, I know I go inward, if something happens, and I'm not really thinking, I can go inward and be thinking about myself, I'm telling you, the struggle is real. My husband's 50th 50th birthday is coming up this month. And I started to revert back into my old pattern. I'm so glad I went to this class to remember our love languages, because I want to get him a gift. And I'm feeling all stressed out and pressuring him, what do you want? Where do you want to go? Do you want to have a party? Who do you want to invite, and all the guy wants to do is go to a concert with me and maybe go grab a bite to eat beforehand. I need to listen, that's what he wants. That's what the guy wants. So the struggle is real, I was going inward. Because I have this idea in my mind, I want to make him feel special. Well, I can't make him feel special, if I want to, if he can make himself feel special, but if I want to really give him what he wants, and kind of align myself to, you know, the things that bring Him joy, then doing things with him going to that concert and you know, letting him choose the restaurant, he wants to go to whatever it is that he wants and doing those things. It might not seem like a big deal to me, but it is to him and after all, it's I want to be a good partner, a good wife, a good friend, right? So how can we start to move our focus outward toward other people and see them as people right. And I think first and foremost is we have to be aware that we sometimes do that we sometimes go inward every now and again. But be aware first and foremost and then start to see other people and practice it in small ways. And this is where Napoleon Hill Hills quote come Isn't, it doesn't take more effort or time to do that. Think about how many times you might go to Target or the grocery store. And you're not even looking up at the person who's checking you out and cashing you out. And you're just scrolling on your phone, right? So what if you just took 30 seconds, what if you just put your phone away while you're checking out, be present, look, the person in the eye, ask them how their day is going, and say, Thank you, you know, just extend that, that love that connection, be present with them, I guarantee you, it's gonna be so much appreciated. This, you know, this was kind of an emotional thing for me. And I remember this, and it's 16 years later, my father was living with us, and he was terminally ill. And, you know, during the later months, we he was with us for a year. And maybe during the last six months, we were calling the ambulance a lot. He just, he had to take the ambulance to the ER, it was it had become a routine. They called it failure to thrive. And he kept coming home. And it was just the cycle. And there was one gentleman in particular, in the ambulance, who had come to my house a few times. And one of the last times I actually I think it was the last time. You know, he kind of saw the writing on the wall, and he picked my dad up. And I followed the ambulance to the hospital, which was right down the street. And as I was going in to the ER he was coming out. And he gave me a Hershey's Kiss. And it was just the look that he gave me. I don't remember what he said, I just remember how I felt. I felt seen. I felt in that moment that somebody understood the struggle. And he I just felt so much empathy coming from him. And it was just a really short exchange that just filled my heart during a really, really difficult time. So you have no idea the impact that you can have on other people. And this is 16 years later. And I'm still I still feel like my eyes get welled up when I think about that story because it just touched my heart in such a beautiful way. I don't know if that person even realized what he was doing and the impact that he had. But I'm so grateful in that moment where I was just feeling so broken and vulnerable, that I could look out to somebody and see that empathy and that care and concern. And it didn't take any more time he was walking past me anyway, it was just a really quick exchange. So I want to just pose a challenge to each and every one of us today. And that is when you're going about your day. Be aware and make a concerted effort to be outwardly focused and see people around you people who are maybe in a rush, maybe somebody cuts you off in traffic, and instead of jumping to a conclusion and taking it personally, what if you saw that person as a person and considered you know, we don't know what people are going through, maybe, maybe their spouse is in the in the car and they're having a baby? No, or maybe they're rushing their pet to the emergency vet, you just you don't know what is going on with people. So maybe just see them, see them as a person with needs, challenges and objectives. And maybe even get curious about the people around you, and discover and learn something new about them, they will feel seen. And it will be an amazing way for you to just build relationships with everyone around you. And you have no idea where that will lead you and where that will take you. So I hope this has been helpful for you. This was a big aha for me. And again, you know, personal development and mindset work is not one of these once and done kind of things, set it and forget it. I make learning a part of my every day. And I question, Why am I feeling this way? Why did I react in this way? What can I learn about myself and someone else today, and my life is so much richer as a result of that. And so I want that for everyone. So that's my challenge for all of us today, see people as people and get really curious. So we're going to end today's episode like we normally do and that's in taking inspired action. And I might say if by being more present with people and seeing people as people, is something that you strive to be better at.

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Maybe put that in the back of your mind for this. So wherever you are, just take a deep inhale through your nose.

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And exhale. Take another deep inhale. And exhale. Take one last deep inhale. And then exhale, releasing any signs of tension. And think about how you might show up. If there were no obstacles, you had no time constraints. And

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you made everyone with whom you came in contact feel like the most important person in the world? What would that look like? How would it feel being you being completely present with the people you're spending time with and you weren't concerning yourself with work or rushing off to an appointment or making that phone call? You weren't preoccupied with other things. And within that exchange, whether it be five seconds or five hours, five days, whatever that is, you were seeing those people around you as people, you were present, locked in locked on. And it just felt joyfully so for you. Maybe even bring to mind a situation where recently where you thought to yourself, gosh, I was really checked out, I wish I could have a do over. Bring that scenario to your mind. And there's so much power in your subconscious mind. Create a do over right now. If you could relive that circumstance, would that person or those people? What would that look like? How would you show up? How would it feel being you in that moment again? Would you be present? Would you feel calm and relaxed?

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Would you be engaged? And really interested in what the people around you were saying and expressing to you?

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What kind of collective energy are you creating? And how does it feel being you? So I want you to hold that image in your mind. And practice that today. And just be aware of it moving forward, day in and day out. I hope you enjoyed today's episode, I'm really grateful you joined us. I'm really excited because I have my book coming out soon rat race reboot. And if you want to get information on that, definitely go to rat race reboot.com You'll see subscribe to getting book information. So just leave us your name and your contact information there. And as you get updates and as I get updates, I will send them to you so you can be the first to get your hands on a copy. Again, I'm really thrilled that you joined us. Join us again next week. But remember, everything is created twice. First in your imagination, and then in physical form. We'll see you next week.

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Have you views and opinions expressed by the hosts guests or callers of this program do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the studio 21 podcast cafe, the United Podcast Network its partners or affiliates.